Hey there,
Thanks for reaching out with your dilemma. The first thing I’ll say is living together with anyone as an adult can be tough. The relationship is complicated when someone is sharing a space with you 24/7. It becomes even more complicated when that person is your friend, especially when you need to deal with housemate issues that might leak into your friendship. It sounds like so far you’ve struck a really good balance and navigated a situation that can be so challenging, really well. You should be proud!
You are absolutely right in saying that someone new coming into the household and potentially shifting the dynamic is something that needs to be discussed with everyone living in the household and agreed upon in advance. I understand why this would make you feel uncomfortable. It’s an unfair position to be put in, and perhaps your friend has been so swept up in the idea of living with her partner, she’s skipped a few steps ahead.
This issue is one that you need to discuss together as housemates and come to a decision on where to go next. The three of you probably need to sit down and find a time when you can all discuss this issue together. To have the conversation in a way that is sensitive and kind, I think the best thing you can do is find a neutral space at a time when you’re all feeling okay and be honest with your friend about how you’re feeling in this situation. Avoid blame or accusations about how the situation, and speak openly about the fact that you don’t feel her partner moving in is a good fit for all of you right now. Maybe even sit down before the conversation and have some dot points ready of the things you’d like to say or write yourself a script so you cover everything you need. You don’t have to read it word for word, but having it open during the conversation might help you stay on track.
I’m sure your friend will be sad about this, but having this conversation now is an important step to preserving the friendship and the peace of your household in the long run. Remember, you can’t control your friends’ reactions, and she may need some space to process the conversation which I encourage you to give her. I hope your conversation can be one that is constructive, kind and a learning experience for you all.
Read more advice on housemate problems here.
Read more of Amber’s advice here.
