Dear Reader,
One of the things that is most difficult in any relationship is when people do things that aren’t aligned to what we think is best for them, especially when we can see the people we value getting in their own way. It’s a hard thing to care about someone and want them to reach the goals, and for them to make choices that in some ways, move them further from the life they want. However, it’s also important to consider that we each have different values and our friends way of doing things may be serving them in some other way. If that’s the case, ask yourself, what is my role here?
How you respond to this friend and what you do next will depend on a few factors that you’ll need to consider before deciding what is best. Firstly, what is the nature of your relationship? If this a friend you could have a difficult conversation with, it might be worth booking in a time with her to sit down and have a chat about what you’ve been noticing. You can gently point out to her that you hear her when she talks about her goals of having a relationship, and you’ve noticed a couple of things that seem to be taking her away from her goal. Hopefully, you’ll be able to have an open and curious conversation with each other where you are able to learn about her perspective and why she’s made the choices she has (perhaps she has some values you aren’t aware of, or a different perspective you don’t yet understand) and she will hopefully express curiosity in your perspective too. While this is probably the most ideal, it really depends on the relationship you have with your friend and both of your capacity to have conversations like this.
Your next option, and something you will need to consider even if you do have this conversation with your friend is letting her make her own choices without them weighing on your mind. I’m sure by now we’ve all heard of the “Let them” theory by Mel Robbins, but if you haven’t, the essence of it is that if someone wants to do something, we just let them without carrying the stress and turmoil of thinking about it and worrying about their choices. At a certain point, you need to let your friend make her own choices. Whether you have to conversation with her, or skip that step and move straight to letting go will really depend on your own personal values and the nature of your relationship with your friend. I wish you all the best moving forward with this!
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