Hey there.
The first thing I want to mention here is how proud you should be for identifying this as a boundaries issue. It can take a lot of self-reflection to be able to dig up what is going wrong before we reach boiling point.
I really hear you when you say it’s gotten to a point where you are so overwhelmed that it isn’t helping you or anyone around you. I think there are a few important clichés to remind yourself of here (clichés are clichés for a reason, right?). The first thing I want you to remind yourself of is that you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help everyone else around you. Meaning, that you need to take care of yourself first or you can’t show up for everyone else. If you burn yourself to the ground, not only are you sacrificing what you can do for others but also for yourself. The second cliché I have for you is that you spend more time with yourself than anyone else, so you need to be your most important person. You need to invest the most energy into your relationship with you because you are your own biggest asset.
While the first step is reminding yourself of these key clichés, the next step is to take action on this. I think the best way forward for you right now is going to be to step back and take stock of your priorities and where you need to be investing your time. You have a limited amount of time and resources you can give, and it is likely that right now, the balance of where you are giving those resources out is not aligned with your priorities. Once you have a good sense of this, you need to take action on it. This is the hard part, I know, but you need to practice saying no. You can try role-playing it with someone you trust or talking to yourself in the mirror. Make yourself little mini scripts so you don’t feel so stuck on what to say the next time you need to say no. Maybe try these:
Hey, I’m really sorry that you’re struggling, but unfortunately, I can’t be the person to work through this with you right now.
I love that you thought of me, but I’ve got a bit much on my plate right now. Best of luck with it!
This is all going to take some practice, and you will need to work at it to be able to find your perfect balance. This is something most of us are working on every day with the scales tipping back and forth, and we need to be okay with the process as well.
Disclaimer: Please note that all information given in this article is general in nature and does not constitute psychological treatment. For tailored support, please ensure you reach out to a registered psychologist. In the case of an emergency, please contact LIFELINE (13 11 14) or call 000.
