Hey there,
First of all, you should be really proud of yourself for recognising what’s going on here. It is such a tough and confusing situation when your brain starts to blur those lines and transference kicks in. Just so we’re all on the same page here, transference is when old feelings, beliefs or experiences are stirred up in the process of therapy, and projected onto the therapist. This can feel like romantic feelings, seeing your therapist as a maternal/paternal figure etc. It’s actually a pretty common experience to happen in therapy, and actually can happen both ways (for the therapist, it’s called countertransference).
I think you are asking yourself all the right questions here. What do I do with these feelings? Is it most helpful for me at this point to continue on with this therapist, or remove myself and find someone new? I think the only person who can really work through this with you, is your therapist.
The next step that you might take would be to talk to your therapist about what you think is going on. Lay it all out of the table. Even though I’m sure you’re cringing at the thought of this, it will open up new conversation points and allow you and your therapist to dive deeper into addressing what’s underneath these feelings. You can also then work through with your therapist whether it’s the time to do that, or whether he thinks it’s in your best interest to be referred to someone else. It would be hard for me to tell you 100% either way because there’s so much I don’t know. I know it feels embarrassing, but remember your therapist is trained for this! They are skilled in tough convos and should be able to make you feel as comfortable as possible sharing these uncomfortable feelings. That would be a great option, but also the harder option.
Your other option is to move on if you think you aren’t able to move past these feelings or be honest about them, and know that they are going to interfere with you being able to engage in therapy effectively. I’d still encourage you to bring this up with your therapist anyway, but again I understand how tough that might feel. If you really can’t do that I’d really encourage you to think about if you can’t be truly honest with your therapist because of these feelings, how much progress can you really make?
I hope you make the best decision for you All the best.
Read more of Amber’s advice here.
