Hey there worried reader,
Wow. This sounds like such a tough spot to be in with your partner, and something that has really been playing on your mind. I want to start off by reassuring you that your decision about not having children is one that is becoming more and more common. It’s a really normal experience as you grow and change to question whether things you once wanted still fit into the life you picture for yourself. There’s a growing swell of people and women in particular who are more and more willing to speak about this feeling of doubt when it comes to having children and muddling through such a big decision.
The first step I’d recommend for you at this point is spending some time with yourself reflecting on where you stand with this decision. It sounds like you’re torn, and not fully sure what you want right now. I recommend taking steps like completing a pros and cons list, sitting with yourself and imagining your life with and without children, and asking yourself why it is that you do or don’t want them. I also think listening to other women going through this process could be very helpful. The Shameless Podcast did a subscriber episode on this, and The Keep it Cleaner Podcast did a mini-series with Laura Henshaw working this through. In saying that, give yourself grace and time to come to terms with this decision without pressure or judgment.
You also mentioned that while you aren’t 100% sure, you’re fairly certain that children are not something you want anymore and that you feel your partner is not understanding. I think it’s time to schedule a time with your partner and sit down for a conversation about the realities of what this decision means for you and that your mind is not likely to change. Explain to him why you feel the way you do. I think it’s important to be very transparent with what you’re thinking, what options are on the table and what options are not. It sounds like during the last conversation, there was space left for changed minds that left you feeling without closure. I think this conversation needs to be clear and firm about what you want.
Following these steps, I think it’s important to give your partner time and space to process this decision, and what that means for his life as well. Maybe you recommend some of the same resources and tools you used in the process of really understanding your decision. At the end of the day, dear reader, while it sounds like he is very important to you I think you need to extend him the same understanding you are asking for with whatever his decision may be.
I wish you all the best with this dilemma and I encourage you to lean on your support systems as much as possible and take care of yourself as you navigate this challenging time.
Read more of Amber’s advice here.
