Hey there,
The first thing I want to say is that I can empathise with you so deeply on this! Friendship gossip and drama are such a common experience, and for a lot of us, it’s something that is so uncomfortable. While gossip is a part of human nature and has had evolutionary benefits in helping us to learn and grow, it can also be quite damaging and harmful.
There are a few things I’d encourage you to consider. First of all, it seems like this gossip and bickering is something that really doesn’t feel true to who you are as a person. I want to acknowledge how easy it can be to get caught up in the whirlwind of it all, especially when your friends come to you as someone they can trust to talk to and someone they know will listen. I think a question I’d encourage you to ask yourself is, do these conversations align with my values and the kind of person I want to be? Take a little bit of time to reflect on your values, what they are, and if engaging in these conversations is aligned with that. If you’re taking part in the gossiping and walking away feeling icky, I think the answer is pretty clear. If that is the case, and this isn’t feeling right for you, I think the next thing you need to do is set some boundaries. You can be there for your friends and support them, and also be clear that engaging in this kind of talk is not something you’re open to anymore. Having this conversation in a kind and constructive way sounds like it’s really important not just for you, but also for maintaining your relationships. It sounds like there’s the potential here for a lot of resentment to build up behind the scenes with all that is being left unsaid on your side.
I want to wrap this up by reminding you, dear reader, that having differences in values with your friends and having personal boundaries does not mean that these friendships need to end. Healthy conversations about values and boundaries can add so much depth and understanding to a relationship and are important for the maintenance of our friendships. It’s like watering our plants to keep them alive. If this isn’t the case, and your friends can’t respect your values and boundaries, I wonder if it might be time to reflect on whether these friendships are your best fit.
I know having these conversations is uncomfortable, however, remember that when we are uncomfortable we also grow. There is no growth in the comfort zone. I wish you all the best with your constructive conversation, and I trust you’ll make the best choice for you moving forward.
To read more of Amber’s advice, click here.
To read more about gossiping, head here.
