Hey there,
Thanks for reaching out. That sounds like a really tough spot to be in, and I can really empathise with the discomfort you must be feeling in this situation. I do have a lot of thoughts on your predicament.
The first thing I’d like to mention is that high school friendships can be hard when you leave high school. Moving into the real world is a time of rapid change where we are deciding who we want to be. We also meet a lot of new people and inevitably have to learn how to navigate relationships outside the pressure cooker of high school. It sounds like this has been a big feature of the tension in your relationship, understanding where you fit with each other as you grow into a different world. Over time, it’s normal for friendship dynamics to change. Is it possible that while you still label her your best friend and hold her to that standard, your friendship might just look different now?
The second, and probably biggest thing I want to point out is the massive thread of resentment I can hear in what you are saying. It sounds like there is so much history that you (and potentially your friend as well) are holding onto, and a lot of unspoken tension here. It’s okay to
I think the first and most important thing to think about doing would be, being really honest with yourself about what this situation is bringing up for you and why. Maybe try writing it down, or journalling about it. I next thing that might be needed is an open and honest conversation with your friend about how you feel about the friendship and your reflections. This also means hearing your friend out about what her experience has been, there are two people in every relationship and it seems like there’s a lot unsaid on both sides here. From here, you might be able to decide on what a new and healthy dynamic looks like. Maybe that means you remain friends in some way, or maybe it means you take space. Either way, you both have a better understanding of the other and of your new dynamic. I understand the desire to pull away and avoid any confrontation about this, though where we can have constructive conversations about difficult topics constructively, we should.
I hope you find some closure with your friend.
Disclaimer: Please note that all information given in this article is general in nature and does not constitute psychological treatment. For tailored support, please ensure you reach out to a registered psychologist. In the case of an emergency, please contact LIFELINE (13 11 14) or call 000.
