Christmas is a time of joy. It’s a time for fairy lights, family time, presents and love. It’s a time for meals that are so filling they make your tummy hurt, and 3 pm naps in the sunshine while the festivities carry on around you… Right? For many of us, this is true, but as we well know by now, there are many different ways we experience Christmas. And for some of us, Christmas can be quite… lonely.
Loneliness over the holiday period can be scary and uncomfortable. It’s an experience that really makes you question when everyone else feels so connected, why is it that you feel so alone? Even in a room surrounded by people, we can feel alone. There are so many reasons that this lonely feeling can settle in around the Christmas period. Sometimes it has to do with being physically alone. It might be to do with the reflection about what we’ve achieved or where we are at on our ‘timeline’ at the end of the year. It could come down to a comparison of those around you who seem to be having the best time with family, or getting heartfelt gifts from their partners. Maybe, part of the feeling might also have to do with the expectations we set for the day to be the best and happiest day of the year. The most likely cause though, is that it’s a unique combination of all or some of these factors that create this sense of unease. This time of year reinforces a mismatch between what we think our lives and connections should look like, and the reality of it all.
Rest assured, that you are not alone in this feeling and that Christmas can be a tough time for many of us, even when from the outside, our Christmas Day might look picture-perfect. The Red Cross found that 1 in 3 Australians feel a sense of loneliness at Christmas, and more young people are feeling lonely around this time. This is likely because of the transitions that we all go through as young adults, finding our feet and working out what we want our lives to look like.
And while we’re not alone in experiencing loneliness, it’s also important we make sure we are proactive in managing this feeling. So here are some tips to help you manage that Christmas loneliness.
1. If You Are Alone, Make Plans to Change That
Reach out to a friend or someone in your life who might also be alone, or might be able to include you in their family festivities. While being alone and being lonely are not the same thing, having people around you (especially people you care about and who care about you) can help to fill some of the space. If you can’t be with someone else for the day, make sure you’ve made yourself a rough structure and some plans for the day rather than just rolling with the punches. Set yourself a schedule so you aren’t bored because boredom and loneliness are an uncomfortable combination that leaves us plenty of room to get stuck ruminating in unhelpful thoughts.
2. Stay Off Social Media for the Day
Whether you’re with family or friends, or you are on your own for the day this is something we can all strive for. We all know this by now, social media is a rabbit hole for us to get stuck in comparison to other people’s highlight reels. Christmas is a day that is so hyped up for all of us, and when our expectations are so high for the best and most jolly day of the year, it’s no wonder we feel a disconnect when the days are great instead of incredible. Comparing your real day with its ups and downs, to the carefully curated stories of your friends isn’t doing you any favours. Neither is spending your Christmas focussing on someone else’s day instead of being present in your own.
3. Practice Gratitude and Mindfulness
Getting stuck in our heads because of our high expectations for the day leaves plenty of room to focus on what’s missing rather than what is right in front of us. Try introducing gratitudes over the lunch table, or set yourself reminders throughout the day to check in with special moments. Gratitude and mindfulness are superpowers that are so underrated, especially in a world where we are always asking ourselves “What’s next?” and “What milestones did I miss this year that put me behind?”.
4. Take the Pressure Off
Let yourself have those feelings. Loneliness can be scary, especially when you are surrounded by people, but it is also a normal part of our human experience. Take a moment on your own to acknowledge the feeling and check in with what you need from yourself. Do I need physical support, like a hug from my mum? Do I need to talk to someone? Do I need to just take a minute on my own to reconnect with myself? Speak with yourself kindly and curiously and work out what it is you need.
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