My birthday was once my favourite day of the year. Sure, Christmas was a strong contender, but could it really beat a whole day dedicated just to me? As a January baby, I figured I’d lucked out in the birthday lottery. My birthday was in the height of summer, meaning school was out and the sun was shining. For my entire childhood, my birthday was filled with pool parties, ice cream cakes, and sunburns from weekends spent away on the coast. All in all, it was a pretty sweet deal.
As the years passed by though, the candles on the cake kept growing until there was no room left, and wearing a party hat had become akin to social suicide. By the time I hit my late teens, birthdays had lost their spark almost entirely. While I’ll admit that some things never changed, like my loyalty to the Freddo ice cream cake, my birthday just wasn’t met with the same enthusiasm anymore. In fact, I didn’t even care for it at all.
Year after year, I found myself unmotivated to commit to any plans and struggling to muster up any excitement about turning a year older. By the time the clock ticked over to January 18, I was just waiting for the return to regularly scheduled programming. In hindsight, I was suffering from the birthday blues; a common condition that refers to a lack of desire to celebrate that arises when a person’s birthday draws near.
In my mind, I like to think of the birthday blues as one of the worst kinds of party crashers. Each year, they showed up on my doorstep unexpected, unannounced, and completely unwanted. They would stand on the doorstep begging to be let in, ringing the doorbell over and over. I thought that maybe if I drew the blinds and pretended it wasn’t my birthday at all, eventually the birthday blues would just give up and go away. As I found out the hard way, that wasn’t the case.
This year, I decided to let them in and face them head-on for the first time. Here’s everything I learned from confronting the birthday blues.
What Are the Birthday Blues?
To put it frankly, the birthday blues are about as fun as they sound. Also known as birthday depression, the phenomenon is characterised by feelings of sadness, anxiety, stress, or apathy experienced in the lead-up to one’s birthday. Unlike other mental health conditions, the birthday blues are temporary and will subside once the birthday has passed.
While the birthday blues aren’t a clinical condition, the anecdotal experiences of sufferers reflect just how real and taxing these feelings are. Many of those prone to experiencing sadness around their birthday describe significant changes in mood, disturbances to sleep, and a desire to withdraw themselves socially. Some studies have even linked birthdays to higher rates of depression and suicide, highlighting the true weight of this problem.
Why Do I Feel Down in the Dumps on My Birthday?
Catching a case of the birthday blues is never on anyone’s wishlist. Though birthdays are typically regarded as a time for celebration, it’s not uncommon for people to experience a range of negative emotions around this time. This can stem from a complicated cocktail of reasons, but there are a few common factors that can be the key to understanding your own birthday blues.
Pressure to Have a Perfect Day
It’s natural for us to put our birthdays on a pedestal, dreaming of a flawless day where all our wishes come true. Whether it’s self-imposed or influenced by societal standards, the immense pressure we place on our birthdays can lead to disappointment when even the smallest things don’t go as planned. Social media plays a major role in this too, leading us to create unrealistic expectations for our own birthdays when only shown the highlight reels of others.
Loneliness or Isolation
For those without a close support system of friends or family, birthdays can intensify feelings of loneliness or isolation. Being unable to celebrate with loved ones or feeling as though you lack a dependable social circle can make birthdays extremely difficult.
Fear of Aging
Birthdays can be a harsh reminder of the passage of time, forcing us to confront our feelings about aging and mortality. The occasion can stir up complex feelings about our goals and achievements and the physical changes our bodies are undergoing, causing heightened feelings of anxiety and depression.
Painful Memories
For many people who struggle with the birthday blues, the occasion is associated with painful memories or past traumas. Whether it be the breakdown of a relationship, the reminder of a loss, or even a birthday party gone disastrously, these memories can cast a sombre tone over what would otherwise be a celebration. These memories can be difficult to separate from future birthdays, resulting in the attachment of negative associations.
Dislike of Attention
Not everyone wants to be in the spotlight, and having a day that is dedicated to celebrating them can feel embarrassing or uncomfortable. As well-meaning as the birthday wishes may be, experiencing this amount of attention might not be someone’s cup of tea. If you’d rather have the ground open up and swallow you whole than have a room full of people sing you happy birthday, this probably explains why you dislike your birthday!
5 Ways to Banish the Birthday Blues
1. Let Go of Expectations
Societal norms have burdened us all with preconceived ideas about birthdays, planting visions of expensive presents and perfect parties in our minds. Real freedom comes from letting go of these expectations and realising instead that the ‘perfect’ birthday is a day that brings you joy, no matter how far from ideals it may be. Life is beautifully messy, and we shouldn’t let it pass us by worrying about what a birthday should look like.
2. Be Honest About Your Feelings
As I have learned the hard way in the past, you won’t be able to solve your birthday blues by ignoring the problem. Spend some time with yourself to reflect on why you might feel this way, and write down some ways that you can address this. Once you’re feeling more confident in what is stirring these feelings, communicate this to your loved ones and let them know how they can support you in creating a birthday you will enjoy.
3. Prioritise Your Own Enjoyment
Birthdays are just about the only day of the year that you’re allowed to be completely and utterly selfish. It’s easy to find yourself swept up in other peoples’ ideas of how you should spend your birthday, and find yourself planning an event you’re secretly dreading! If lavish parties or wild nights out don’t fill up your cup, it’s perfectly acceptable to curate a celebration that feels more authentic to you.
4. Create Meaningful Traditions
Part of the magic of Christmas comes from taking part in the traditions that separate the holiday from any other day. Reignite the spark on your birthday by creating meaningful traditions that you can look forward to each year. Whether it’s cooking your favourite breakfast, waking up to watch the sunrise, or doing an activity you love, having birthday traditions will create a sense of familiarity and ease these anxieties.
5. Take a Digital Detox
In the world of constant connectivity, our devices can be a source of major stress on our birthdays. You may find yourself flooded with birthday messages across five different platforms, or constantly monitoring your feed hoping that one special person will post on your wall. As nice as it is to feel appreciated on your birthday, being chained to your phone for the day can take a huge toll on your mental well-being. Disconnect from social media for a while and set some time aside later to respond to your messages – I promise your loved ones will understand!
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