I went on my first diet at 13.
I’d been to see the movie ‘There’s Something About Mary’ with Cameron Diaz.
Her character, Mary, was everything I had been taught as a little girl that I needed to be if I wanted to be a successful woman in life- thin, beautiful, tall, blonde, popular…
There I was, short with brown hair, brown skin, and what I believed to be a bit ‘chubby’.
As soon as the movie finished, I ran straight to the chemist to buy diet shakes. And that is where it began: the war with my body that lasted nearly two decades of my life.
I went on diet after diet.
At 14, when my biological dad told me that I needed to lose weight.
At 17, after being shamed by a nurse for my BMI during a routine check-up for the contraceptive pill.
At 23, after being measured for a bridesmaid dress, I was shamed because they didn’t stock my size in-store.
Then again at 24, when I was told by an Australian doctor I had ‘better lose weight’ if I wanted to get my permanent visa to live in Australia.
That’s when things got really bad.
I was hiding in the toilets and vomiting after client lunches at work. I was sneaking out of parties so I could go home and binge. Then there were the really dark days when I prayed that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning as I went to sleep at night…
At 27, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder.
‘Once the horse has bolted there’s no going back”.
I’ll never forget those words from my counsellor. And she was right – that horse had bolted so fast and so far, it seemed there would be no getting it under control. That’s when she gave me the ultimatum. “Get better, or I’m sectioning you.”
“You can’t do that,” I said, horrified. “I’m 27 years old and I am from the UK, you have no right.”
“Yes, I can,” she replied matter-of-factly. I will section you under the Mental Health Act.”
It was terrifying.
But it was the turning point I needed – the real threat that my eating disorder would destroy me completely.
I threw myself into recovery and I learnt as much as I could about health and wellbeing. I discovered the truth about dieting, diet culture, BMI, and what health actually is; that it is so much more complex than just food and exercise. I found that there was a whole evidence-based non-diet approach to health and wellbeing, centred on self-care and compassion rather than shame and self-punishment. It was also where I discovered intuitive eating, Health at Every Size, and the amazing non-diet and body-positive community full of people just like me, with stories like mine. It was liberating to know that I wasn’t alone.
All of this led me to a full recovery.
Once I recovered all I wanted to do was help others who were going through what I went through. I decided to have a complete career change, I went back to university and trained as a body-positive personal trainer and intuitive eating counsellor.
I started Be You Be Free and now I help others all around the world through my book and make peace with food, exercise, and their bodies so they can start living the joyous, purposeful, and fulfilled lives that they deserve.
Be You Be Free by Shreen El Masry. Purchase here.
My book really is the culmination of everything I wish I had known and all of the tools I wish I’d had when I was really struggling.
Here are 5 of those things.
1). Diets fail for 90-95% of us. They also damage our psychological wellbeing and lead to binge eating, preoccupation with food, disordered eating, poor body image, and eating disorders.
2). The BMI was created by a mathematician/ Astronomer in the 1800s and was mostly based on White European men and was never intended to measure health.
4). We weren’t born hating our bodies, we were taught to hate them by Diet Culture. An extremely profitable culture that is rooted in white supremacy, patriarchy, and female political obedience, not only designed to keep us suppressed and occupied but to profit off us from insecurities that they created.
5). Health and body weight is so much more complex than just food and exercise, and it’s not entirely within our control as we are led to believe. Research shows that our behaviours, such as eating, exercise, sleep, stress, mental health, optimism, and life satisfaction account for around 36 per cent. Mostly our health is determined by our genetics, social circumstances, environment, and access to medical care.
If you are struggling with your body right now. I hear you. While I can’t take away your pain what I can do is encourage you not to let your life be ruled by the shape of your body any longer.
Because the truth is that the only thing that we have shrunk in the pursuit of “thinness” is our lives.
I know from my experience (yours too) that it is not worth any more heartache. Let me leave this with you:
When you’re 80 years old and looking back at your life, what is it that you want to see? A life of constantly obsessing over your body?
Or a life filled with freedom, joy, purpose, and fulfillment?
I promise you that shrinking your body is not your life’s purpose, you are meant for so much more.
To purchase Shreen’s book Be You Be Free, click here.
To read more about body positivity, head here.
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