Some things are better left unspoken; others feel like a weight finally lifted from your shoulders. Here, four of our readers seek advice for the confessions that linger long after lights out.
Confession No. 1:
I’ve found myself starting to resent my friends and the people they are. We’ve been friends for a lifetime but they don’t really align with the person I am anymore. I don’t know how to break it off and the thought of making new friends at my age is horrifying. What should I do?
Advice:
The conversation with your friends will be a challenging one and one that requires a lot of thought put into it. What do you want to say? Who do you want to say it to? Why are you telling them? You can’t go into this conversation blind, because there will be a lot to unpack and understandably, your friends will be shocked. So what angle do you take?
Remember that emotions will be flying and there is no reason to have these friendships end on a sour note. Remain calm. Your friends may need time to process this before they understand your decision fully – and like all true friends, will continue to support you and respect your decision.
Moving on and making new friends is no easy feat for any of us. We spend years in school learning how to make them, only to still face the challenges again as adults. My advice to you is short and simple – be your unapologetic self and chase the energy, values and vibes that match yours. Don’t bend or fold, because you’ve moved on from a situation where that was beginning to happen. It will take time, but let it. Go out to clubs or bars, to events and gigs and get involved with the world around you. It’ll come.
Confession No. 2:
I slept with my best friend’s fiancee. He initiated it and said it felt right. What should I do?
Advice:
This is a very delicate situation with a lot of people’s feelings at play. Carrying that sort of confession is heavy and will lead to an eventual unhealthy relationship with your best friend, so I think you will need to tell them eventually what happened. Before you do, you might want to consider a few things first like, did it feel right for you? Was this something that was building up, were there signs? This kind of action could derail both relationships, so you need to understand where your head is at and why it happened.
Unfortunately I think that whatever comes next will be a consequence of the action. Your best friend is going to feel immensely hurt and will need time to heal. How she does that is out of your hands, and if you both want to repair the friendship you had then you’re going to need to roll with the punches.
I can’t promise things will ever go back to how they were, but there is always a chance.
Confession No. 3:
I’ve been dating a boy for 4 months now and we have a really strong emotional connection, but we are on different pages physically. How do I talk to him about it?
Advice:
Physical intimacy is equally as important as emotional connection, so it is important to understand each other’s needs and have them be met. Talking about it can feel awkward, and you may be worried about offending your partner, which is totally okay.
You may like to make it a more casual, open conversation where you can both highlight fantasies and needs. You’ll need to segway into this conversation, as it’s not your everyday regular conversation. Set up a situation – “My best friend was telling me her and her partner just tried (insert activity) and were really into it.” Afterwards, keep the conversation simple and casual. Ask him for his thoughts, gossip a little with one another and then throw it to him. “Is there anything you’d want to try?” “I am kind of interested in this, can we do it next time?”
Now, the conversation isn’t an uncomfortable one. Instead, it’s jovial, honest and hopefully ticking all your future boxes.
Confession No. 4:
My brother’s girlfriend banned me from booking my dream wedding venue because she wants to get married there. She isn’t engaged and is making me out to be the bad guy. What should I do?
Advice:
Ouch! Planning a wedding is hard enough without all this extra drama. It sounds like this venue has a lot of value to both of you. I think this needs to be an open conversation between both of you, where you can be honest and both try to understand each other’s point of view. I don’t think that she can ban you and if this venue helps build your dream wedding, then go for it. You’re only going to have one, and if it holds the same value to her then she can also have it there in the future!
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