We’ve all heard of revenge. It’s the plot of countless films, the inspiration behind Princess Diana’s iconic little black dress, and the driving force behind Khloé Kardashian’s entire fitness empire. It’s no surprise that the concept of revenge is still a cultural mainstay. After all, in a world of “doing it for the plot”, listening to that little devil on your shoulder will certainly keep life interesting. But have you ever heard of revenge’s less chaotic younger cousin? Let me introduce you to revenge success – the perfect blend of getting back at your critics while going after your goals.
The psychological force behind revenge
There’s something undeniably satisfying about getting back at those who have wronged us. One of the first lessons we learn in life is the importance of forgiveness, but how often is that our instinctual reaction? If your answer is not often, you’re not alone – and it doesn’t make you a bad person. Our hunger for revenge actually has an important evolutionary function.
According to evolutionary psychologists, the feelings that drive us to enact revenge on our wrongdoers evolved as a survival mechanism in early humans. Think back to an earlier time and imagine that someone had stolen food that you were relying on to survive. If you let this go without consequences, chances are that the instigator will repeat this behaviour. By getting back at this person in an act of revenge, they are more likely to be deterred from doing this again. While our drive for revenge came in handy for the life-and-death situations the early humans often found themselves in, it’s become a much trickier concept to navigate in the modern day where perceived threats are much less dire.
Why does revenge feel so good?
While this explains why craving revenge is so common, research has also revealed why we get a rush of good feelings after getting back at someone. MRI scans show that the brain lights up with neural activity in the reward centre immediately after engaging in an act of revenge. This results in the release of dopamine, sending a wave of pleasant feelings through our body. Interestingly enough, science also suggests that we begin plotting our revenge immediately after we are wronged by someone. According to psychology professor Michael McCullough, scans show that the left prefrontal cortex lights up after a perceived transgression, activating the area of the brain associated with planning a goal. All this to say, humans are hard-wired to want to restore balance and social order when we feel the scales have been tipped, and revenge is our natural answer.
What is revenge success?
When we think of revenge, our minds most likely go to some elaborate scheme for retaliation pulled straight from The Parent Trap. In reality, making your critics eat humble pie can be so much easier than that. Enter revenge success, where proving someone wrong becomes the perfect motivator for achieving your goals.
Maybe it’s a teacher who never believed in you, a colleague who takes credit for your great ideas, or an ex who said you’d be nothing without them. Revenge success is the act of taking this hurt and turning it into fuel, using it to propel you towards getting everything you desire. Instead of simply rebalancing the scales of social order, why not tip it further in your favour and one-up the person who did you wrong?
Why is revenge success so empowering?
1. Restoration of control
When someone’s words or actions limit our beliefs about our ability to achieve our goals, the power is placed in their hands. Many of us tend to fixate on a time when someone told us we couldn’t do something, replaying this moment over in our heads and letting it feed into our self-doubt. By transforming this pain into motivation, we can take back control and strip the people who have hurt us from their power over our lives.
2. Validation of self-worth
There is no greater motivation than being told we can’t do something. As important as internal drive is, external motivators can give us the extra push we need to work harder towards our goals. When we defy criticism from others, we often grant ourselves permission to revel in our successes more so than if our goals had been purely internally motivated, making the end result even sweeter.
3. Emotional Catharsis
Pent-up emotions don’t serve anyone, but unleashing revenge motivated by anger isn’t healthy either. Revenge success, on the other hand, is a better way to purge negative emotions while directing this energy towards positive self-achievement. Think of it like an internal rage room, but you come out on the other side as an improved version of yourself.
3 tips to channel revenge for good
It can be a fine line to walk between using revenge as a healthy motivator and letting a vendetta against your critics consume you. Despite the findings that enacting revenge releases dopamine, studies also report that people may feel a short-term increase in negative emotions such as uncertainty or dread. In the long run, indulging in revenge can also train the brain to become more vulnerable to seeking revenge in the future. Don’t let revenge become a craving you can’t control, and instead be mindful when attempting to redirect this energy into revenge success.
1. Decentre the critics
While revenge success can be the ultimate way to take back your power, this is only effective if the instigator is removed from the equation. Instead of revolving your goals around proving that person wrong, centre the goal itself and visualise the way achieving it will make you feel. It’s easy to fantasise about your critics eating their words but don’t let them take up space in your mind that they don’t deserve.
2. Clarify your goals
Before setting out to prove someone wrong, ask yourself if the end goal is truly something you want to achieve. When people try to impose limitations on us, it’s only natural to want to challenge their opinion. However, investing time and energy into proving someone wrong is only worthwhile if it is a goal you actually want to go after. Remember that you are in control of your own path, and choosing only to expend your energy on what matters most to you doesn’t make their comments or opinions valid.
3. Channel this energy into actionable steps
A revenge plot is only as good as its planning. Like any goal, break this down into actionable steps by setting a strategy for what you want to achieve and writing down the tasks that will get you there. By mapping your goals in this way, you’re already one step closer to proving your critics wrong and achieving the thing they said you’d never have!
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