A collective sigh of resignation can be heard from women across the world – a shared defiance in the face of suffocating societal norms. A significant cultural shift is underway, one in which women are no longer willing to continue paying the emotional cost that patriarchy has non-consensually imposed upon them in modern womanhood. In this article, I explore the emotional, mental, and physical costs women continue to bear in society, and the long-term effects of carrying this weight without consent. The invisible labour women undertake is heavy to hold so the question remains: why have we historically continued to endure these costs, and will we continue to do so?
Across cultures and communities throughout history, women have been expected to assume the role of emotional weight-bearer. Rose Hackman explores this in her book Emotional Labour: The Invisible Work Shaping Our Lives and How to Claim Our Power, writing: “Women, treated like emotional thermostats whether they like it or not, not only must constantly manage their own feelings but are also held responsible for the feelings of others.”
This archetype, long adhered to by women, has been reinforced through family dynamics, media, and pop culture. Women are expected to act as caretakers of the world: to bear children, an intensely physical and demanding responsibility historically assigned to women, while simultaneously serving as guides in emotional intelligence and empathy. Yet paradoxically, women are often shamed for their emotional sensitivity. It is no secret that patriarchal systems place many burdens on women, from these expectations to the pressure to conform to unattainable beauty standards and rigid gender roles. These dynamics often appear most clearly within our own family units.
Women are often described as the “kinkeepers” and matriarchs of the family, and the unpaid physical labour they perform within domestic life is substantial. I remember being a young girl and watching my mother take on the majority of the household chores – cooking, cleaning, and maintaining the home, duties society has long framed as “women’s work.” But mothers frequently also carry the emotional and mental labour required to manage a household and raise children.
This was particularly evident during holidays and special occasions. My mother would organise the Christmas Day menu, clean the entire house, wrap the presents, maintain family traditions, and anticipate the needs of every member of the household. This emotional labour often goes unseen and underappreciated.
Does this come down to male laziness? Perhaps in part. But it also reflects the unspoken costs women are expected to pay as part of the traditional female, or matriarchal identity.
According to UN data collected in 2023, Australia ranks among the highest countries globally for unpaid domestic work performed by women, with women doing around 50% more housework than men. This imbalance exists not only because of patriarchal expectations that position women as primary caregivers, but also because many women internalise guilt and shame when they fail to meet these standards.
Historically, women have been expected to bear children and manage households, a model reinforced by traditional female archetypes portrayed in media. As a result, women are frequently reminded that family should take precedence over career, creative expression, or community involvement. Women who prioritise these areas instead often face judgement.
A cultural example can be seen in the character of Miranda Hobbes in Sex and the City. Throughout the series, Miranda is repeatedly criticised for prioritising her career, with male partners describing her ambition as “emasculating.” But what about women who shoulder both roles? In modern society, many women pursue careers while also raising children, often carrying the weight of both responsibilities simultaneously.
A 2022 report from the Australian Institute of Family Studies found that approximately 70% of Australian women with children under the age of 15 are employed. The labour of managing a household alongside paid employment represents a dual burden – another invisible cost women carry daily.
Women also face contradictory expectations in the workplace: be assertive but not aggressive, confident but not intimidating, emotional but not overly emotional. Data from a 1999 British Household Panel Survey found that women in caring professions in particular experience high emotional costs at work. While men are not unaffected, the report showed that women experience significantly higher levels of worry and exhaustion at the end of the working day.
But what about relationships? Perhaps the most striking example of emotional labour appears within heterosexual partnerships. In one study examining heterosexual couples, 47% of wives considered or pursued couples therapy compared with only 32% of men. This disparity suggests that women often carry the responsibility of maintaining the emotional health of relationships.
Women tend to seek connection through community and friendship, while studies show that many men experience shrinking social circles and struggle with emotional expression. As a result, emotional expectations frequently shift onto female partners, who become the primary emotional organisers within relationships.
A far more serious consequence of this imbalance is the threat of violence. In early 2026 alone, data revealed that 2.7 million Australian women aged 18 and over have experienced violence or emotional abuse from a partner. This statistic underscores the significant risks and burdens women continue to face in their relationships.
The cumulative effects of societal pressure, safety concerns, and emotional labour often result in severe burnout and mental and physical exhaustion. According to statistics from Women’s Agenda, 72% of women have experienced extreme burnout in the past 12 months.
In response, a growing cultural shift is beginning to take shape. The term heterofatalism describes a sense of resignation, pessimism, and exhaustion among heterosexual women regarding men and romantic relationships. This phenomenon reflects the fatigue many women feel after years of carrying disproportionate emotional labour. While the concept primarily refers to heterosexual relationships, it also captures a broader frustration women feel toward patriarchal systems more generally.
So how do women recover from this fatigue and rebalance the expectations placed upon them?
The first step is continuing to speak openly about these experiences, naming the invisible labour that women perform every day. Only through acknowledging these hidden costs can we begin to challenge them.
The woman of 2026 appears increasingly unwilling to carry burdens she never agreed to. Young women in particular, especially Gen Z are pushing back against the expectations that once felt immovable. The infrastructure of emotional labour is beginning to crack.
Refusing to carry what was never ours to hold may be the most radical act of all.
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