“Grab the Olay!” She calls down the hallway as her boyfriend quickly makes his way to the bathroom in an attempt to find a substitute for personal lubricant.
They’re in the middle of an intimate moment, but her body isn’t responding in the way it normally does. Instead, they need a little help. Something silky to help move them forward.
He returns moments later clutching a tub of Olay moisturiser, the only vaguely appropriate product they can find.
The impact stays with her long after the intimate moment has ended, because in the days that follow she experiences intense discomfort. Perhaps reaching for the Olay wasn’t the best idea.
“Why didn’t you just use personal lubricant,” I ask her, after listening to her humorous recollection of the story.
“We didn’t have any,” she laughs. “We don’t normally need it, but in this case we did.”
Her response highlights how many of us still think of lubricant as a specialist product, something reserved for a particular type of woman or circumstance. Yet the reality is far more ordinary. Sometimes comfort simply requires a little assistance.
My friend’s story also illustrates how many women would rather improvise than purchase a product specifically designed for the situation. It seems we will spend hundreds of dollars on a seven-step skincare routine, or an Airwrap that promises the perfect bouncy blowout before even considering personal lubrication products.
Vaginal dryness is remarkably common, yet conversations about it remain surprisingly rare. Modern women are expected to adapt to everything except the realities of their own biology.
Many women interpret dryness as a lack of attraction, a physical failure or an embarrassing part of aging. Personal lubrication is about far more than our bodies’ innate ability to be sexual, it is hormonal and physiological. It is another element of our body that we need to understand so we can work with it, not against it. Using personal lubricants is not a moral conversation on desire, it’s simply another step in our wellness routine.
Selina Nguyen, a sex therapist and founder of Come Back to Bed, recognises that shame and stigma limit open discussions around sexual pleasure, even though they shouldn’t.
“There’s this lasting misconception that to use lubricant means that you’re not aroused enough, that your body isn’t performing as it should or that you’re not turning your partner on enough,” says Nguyen. “You can use lubricant because it reduces friction, it adds another sensory element to the experience or because you simply want to. It doesn’t need to be deeper than that.”
A dry body is not a broken one. Desire does not always result in lubrication, particularly when considering hormonal contraception, perimenopause, menopause, postpartum recovery and even chemotherapy.
These factors can lead to dryness and thinning of the tissues that line the vaginal wall. If we don’t take care of ourselves during moments of sexual desire, it can lead to small tears in our delicate lining. Without proper lubrication, women can experience pain, discomfort, bleeding and infections. Personal lubrication isn’t something to be ashamed of, it’s an act of self care and personal consideration.
There are plenty of lubricants on the market, which can sometimes make it a bit overwhelming to choose. Particularly when you’re standing in the aisle at the supermarket, hoping no one sees you reach for it on the shelf. Taking care of yourself shouldn’t require an apology. The more openly we discuss these experiences, the easier they become to navigate.
It’s important to remember that you aren’t alone. Up to 17% of women aged 18-50 will experience vaginal dryness, rising to 72% after the age of 70. Another study showed 7.5% of women experience pain during sexual intimacy, and the proportion was highest in young women aged 18-24 years-old. These experiences could have been improved by applying a simple lubricant to increase softness and improve pleasure.Â
Choosing a lubricant shouldn’t feel intimidating. Like any personal care product, the right option depends on your body, preferences and lifestyle. Newer formulations are also beginning to borrow from the skincare world, incorporating ingredients such as hyaluronic acid to enhance comfort and hydration. Four Seasons Naked Wet Intimacy Gel is evolving with this concept, infusing this personal lubricant with hyaluronic acid. Proof that skin loving ingredients shouldn’t be limited to your face.
Where To Begin
Start with what you know about your own body. “Of course you want to know if you have any skin sensitivities, existing pH imbalances or predispositions to Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs),” says Nguyen. “In these cases you might want to avoid ingredients like glycerin, parabens, or artificial flavourings.”
What Next?
“If you don’t have any existing skin sensitivities or pH imbalances, it’s worth trying a few to get to know your preferences,” says Nguyen. “Water based lubricant is a good place to start because it’s the most versatile to use with many different types of play, as well as most condoms and toys.”
How Do I Know What Type of Lubricant to Select?
While the most important aspect is personal preference, there are a few key considerations when selecting a personal lubricant. “If you’re using silicone toys it’s best to avoid a silicone base lubricant because the silicone-on-silicone will cause the toy’s materials to degrade over time,” explains Nguyen.
If you’re using condoms, stay away from oil-based lubricants because this can cause the condom to tear. “You’ll also want to be conscious of your bed-sheets, because oil stains are a nightmare to get out in the wash,” says Nguyen. “On the plus side, many oil-based lubricants can double as a massage oil.”
Nguyen recommends opting for a silicone-based or oil-based lubricant if you’re exploring play in the shower, as these won’t immediately wash away.
A good all-rounder is the Naked WET Intimacy Gel, which mimics the glide of natural lubrication. It is a water-based, pH balanced, fragrance free formula infused with hyaluronic acid. It is paraben free and has been developed without harsh chemicals or irritants. It is compatible with all Four Seasons Condoms and is safe for use with latex.
When Should I Use a Personal Lubricant?
Truthfully, whenever you like. There is no mandated time to use a lubricant, it’s about exploring what feels good for you and listening to your body. Try thinking of it as a fun extra, something to enhance your experience. “Any time there is skin-on-skin action or penetration… ideally beforehand to reduce potential friction or pain,” recommends Nguyen.
Selecting a lubricant should be considered in the same way as a moisturiser or a serum. It should feel good, suit our needs and ideally, promote a feeling of self care and wellness. Using a personal lubricant isn’t a shameful act, it’s a way to improve our experiences and foster intimacy.
Intimacy isn’t about performing perfectly. It’s about understanding your body well enough to give it what it needs.
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