Leather pants, a nice top and a pair of kitten heels. A bold lip, a bouncy blow wave and an extra lick of mascara. Music playing in the background, I turn into another version of myself. A version that is untethered by the responsibility of the day, allowing parts of my personality to shine more brightly as the sun sets. As I walk into the wine bar, I notice the girls have already arrived and the night has finally begun.
People say magic doesn’t exist, but how else can you explain the feeling of going out with your friends? The whole evening feels indulgent, but for me it’s a non-negotiable. It feels more like therapy than just a night out. We each take turns dissecting the complexities of our existence from bad bosses, traumatic childhoods, fertility issues, and where to get the best almond croissant. No topic is off limits.
There is a fine line between fun and futile. If you’re a millennial like me, you were probably raised on glossy magazines splashed with images of the ‘Party Girls’ of the early naughties. Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were the ultimate bad girls, often photographed falling out of nightclubs in the early hours of the morning. The Party Girl was put under a microscope and it became a negative stereotype.
Low rise jeans and kitten heeled flip flops may be back in fashion, but this version of the Party Girl has stayed in the past. Instead, the concept has evolved. It’s no longer cool to stay out until the early hours of the morning, especially if this impacts your 7-step skincare routine. Women are opting for meaningful connections instead of empty social events.
Why Is a Night Out Good for Your Mental Health?
A good night out isn’t just an event, it benefits your mental and social wellbeing. Research shows that a night out fosters a sense of intimacy and connection, bringing people together for unhindered conversation and community. It doesn’t matter if it occurs in your local wine bar or the library, getting a group of people together under one roof has a profound impact on your sense of belonging.
Clinical Psychologist Dr Katie Kjelsaas explains that, “oxytocin, the ‘bonding’ or ‘cuddle’ hormone increases, as does serotonin. Both of these contribute to good mood, creativity, memory and self-concept.”
The psychology of a good night out extends far beyond positive mental effects, too. An evening out leads to, “a drop in cortisol, which has positive implications for our vascular system, muscle and bone health, digestion, memory and immunity.”
The Power of Social Connection and Community
Surrounding yourself with people you are emotionally connected to – family, partners, friends – can serve as a mirror. Dr Kjelsaas says that when we are surrounded by these people, they positively reflect what they see in us. “This allows us to relax and unfurl, and this relaxation is fertile ground for deep personal development and growth: worth far more than just some nice tapas!” says Dr Kjelsaas.
Happiness is often contagious and the research agrees. Sharing experiences with other people amplifies emotions, making happy moments happier. On the other hand, it also makes negative experiences more negative, and scary experiences scarier. It seems our social circles really do hold a mirror up to ourselves.
How to Have a Night Out That Actually Makes You Feel Good
While it’s true that a good night out can be beneficial, it’s important to consider how we are utilising this time. It’s easy to engage in behaviours that can negatively impact our wellbeing if we aren’t intentional about who we are spending time with, and what we are doing during that time. Substance use is an example of this, and negative social relationships can have an impact, too.
Dr Kjelsaas agrees that intentionality matters. “Sometimes we fill our social nights out with the very things that prevent the presence and connection our bodies and minds crave and find so healing,” says Dr Kjelsaas.
Sometimes, routines within friendships can make switching up social events challenging. Start with reflecting on how these nights out make you feel. Do they make you feel calm and refreshed the next day, or do they leave you with feelings of anxiety and regret?
Dr Kjelsaas recommends having an open conversation with your friends about the impact of these social engagements. “Think about the context your planned connection creates, too: Is this an environment where people will feel safe to connect and converse deeply?” says Dr Kjelsaas.
It could mean gathering the girls, dressing up and heading to the theatre, or opting for a group activity like a pottery class. These events still harbour feelings of excitement, connection and intimacy, without the influence of party culture. If your social circle revolves around alcohol-fuelled nights out and this is no longer working for you, consider attending a social club.
Hype Girl Social Club, a Melbourne-based event group, began as a Sunday walk for lonely girls and has since transformed into a movement. Founded by Ash Ormond, a former physiotherapist who aims to create a fun social environment for women who want more than just small talk. Women all over the city gather for silent discos, dance classes and burlesque boat nights.
“Social wellbeing is literally a pillar of health. We invest so much time and money into our physical health,” says Ash. “The reality is we need to make time, space, and sometimes budget for it, just like the other pillars of our wellbeing.”
Many Hype Girl events also incorporate movement in a way that feels fun.
“Movement is one of the quickest ways to regulate your nervous system,” says Ash. “I spent the better part of the last decade supporting people with nervous system regulation and movement for their chronic pain, and I draw on a lot of that expertise when I’m curating events.”
While it can seem daunting, many women attend these events alone and once the nerves dissipate, they find themselves having fun in a low-pressure situation. Ash has watched women transform themselves, whether it’s their self-confidence, self-worth or even moving through a break-up.
“Honestly, a lot of the time what people are looking for isn’t even friendship; it’s community,” says Ash. “Confidence is a skill they can carry with them well beyond our events.”
A good night out isn’t just about lowering your inhibitions, it’s a way to boost and your mental, physical and social health. Social connectivity and community have mental and physical benefits, in a similar way to exercising and eating well.
The early 2000’s may be back in an aesthetic way, but its party culture doesn’t have to be. Next time you feel like skipping a night out and staying home on the couch, you might consider your social wellbeing and the benefits of connection and community instead.
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